The next step is to recognise that most behaviours shown in an argument (except harmful ones), are just different ways a person is trying to communicate their needs and protect themselves from being hurt. For example, anger and criticism may be masking feelings of fear of disconnection from our partner when we really need them to come closer and show their care for us.
It can be tricky to identify such needs in ourselves, let alone in others no matter how long we have known our partner. So, if you are aware of what you need, let your partner know. Being there for someone you love, comforting and supporting them is a pleasure, not a burden. Your partner might be trying to meet your needs, but they’re not a mind-reader. If they keep getting it wrong, feelings of anger and resentment can grow, so work towards developing the habit of telling your partner exactly what you need.
When we are able to communicate our needs in healthy ways and have those needs met by our loved one, this breaks down negative interaction cycles and builds positive ones.
