What not to do as a parent of an autistic child?

It’s common to find advice on what to do when raising a child with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), but what about the things to avoid? Rarely do people discuss the habits or approaches that might unintentionally hinder your child’s development. Yet, these “what not to do” moments can be just as crucial as the guidance on what to embrace.

As parents and caregivers, deciding the right path for your child can sometimes feel overwhelming, and when raising a child with a neurodevelopmental condition like autism, professional insights and support can make all the difference.

So, if you’ve ever wondered “What not to do as a parent of an autistic child,” keep reading. This blog by ABA Centers of America dives into ten fundamental things to avoid and how doing so can make a positive impact on your child’s journey.

The Unique Journey of Raising a Child with Autism

Raising a child with autism is a profoundly personal and individual experience. Autism is a spectrum, meaning that no two children are alike, and each one has its strengths and challenges. Some children may need extra help with things like understanding language, while others might excel in communication but face difficulties with sensory overload or social interactions.

What makes raising a child with autism different is that it’s not just about following typical milestones or routines—it’s about meeting your child where they are and understanding how they experience the world. This approach can mean creating a consistent routine, offering a safe and predictable environment, and learning how to help them regulate their emotions. It’s a process that takes patience and care, and though it can be challenging, it’s gratifying to see the growth and development when their unique needs are supported.

Let’s explore some common areas to navigate and practices to avoid:

1. Comparing Progress

It’s natural to compare, but every child develops at their own pace, and this is especially true for children with autism. Comparing your child to their siblings, peers, or other children on the spectrum can create unrealistic pressures.

Avoid focusing on what your child “should” be doing at a certain age and instead emphasize their progress and achievements. Remember, their progress is their own journey.

2. Overwhelming Your Child with Too Many Changes

Children with autism tend to find comfort in routines and predictability. Sudden changes—whether it’s a new caregiver, a new environment, or a change in schedule—can cause confusion or anxiety.

For instance, according to Frontiers in Psychology, routines often go beyond habit for children with autism—they become a strategy for managing sensory sensitivities and fostering meaningful participation.

Introduce changes gradually and provide clear explanations to help your child adjust to new situations. Visual aids and routine charts can help provide structure and minimize stress.

3. Ignoring Sensory Sensitivities

Many children with autism experience heightened sensitivities to sensory stimuli, such as bright lights, loud noises, or certain textures. Ignoring these sensitivities can lead to meltdowns, discomfort, or avoidance behaviors.

Recognizing sensory needs and making adjustments in your child’s environment can help prevent unnecessary distress. For example, noise-canceling headphones, calming sensory spaces, and soft fabrics can help ease sensory overload.

4. Using Negative Language About Autism

It’s essential to be mindful of the language you use when talking about autism. Describing it as something “wrong” or “broken” can negatively impact your child’s self-esteem and affect the way others perceive the condition.

Instead, embrace language that emphasizes your child’s strengths and the qualities of neurodiversity. By fostering pride in who they are, you help your child develop a positive sense of self and confidence in their abilities and promote a better acceptance and understanding of ASD.

Explore autism language resources here.

5. Expecting Immediate Compliance

Kids and teens on the spectrum may need more time to process information, understand requests, or make decisions. Expecting immediate compliance can be overwhelming for your child and frustrating for you.

Instead, give them time to respond, provide clear instructions, and use positive reinforcement when they meet expectations. Patience and understanding go a long way in building trust and cooperation.

6. Overlooking the Importance of Social Skills

Many children with autism struggle with social interactions. Neglecting to provide opportunities to practice social skills can lead to isolation or difficulty building meaningful relationships.

They need to learn critical social skills like eye contact (when possible), turn-taking, and understanding social cues. Role-playing, structured social activities, and positive reinforcement can encourage growth in this area.

7. Misunderstanding Their Behavior

Behaviors like stimming, meltdowns, or withdrawal are often communication strategies that usually respond to sensory overload, frustration, or other feelings that they cannot express verbally.

Misunderstanding these actions as misbehavior can create unnecessary conflict. Instead, work to understand the underlying causes of these behaviors and respond with empathy.

8. Setting Unrealistic Expectations

Unrealistic goals can lead to disappointment and stress, both for you and your child. Whether it’s setting academic goals, social goals, or behavior goals, it’s essential to set expectations that are achievable and aligned with your child’s strengths and challenges.

For example, if your child finds social interactions overwhelming, expecting them to initiate conversations at a crowded birthday party might be too much, too soon. Instead, you could set a smaller, more manageable goal, like practicing saying “hello” to one or two familiar people in a quieter setting.

9. Trying to Handle Everything Alone

Raising a child with neurodevelopmental needs is a team effort. Trying to manage everything on your own can lead to burnout and unnecessary stress.

Seek help from professionals, support groups, and other families who understand your challenges. Building a solid support network will provide resources, guidance, and emotional support when you need it most.

10. Neglecting Self-Care as a Parent

Caring for a child with autism is a rewarding but demanding task. It’s easy to focus all your energy on your child’s needs and neglect your well-being.

Self-care is not selfish; it’s essential. Taking time for yourself, seeking support from other parents, and prioritizing your mental and emotional health will help you be the best possible parent to your child.

The Role of ABA Therapy in Parenting