How to be at peace with yourself when you’re “old”
Barring unforeseen circumstances, we’re going to get old. Truth: we may have been at peace with ourselves going in to our senior years, but if we don’t do an update, we’re in for trouble. How to be at peace with yourself when you’re “old?” Here goes…
With his wife gone, alienated from his children and grandchildren, Walt didn’t have much meaning in his life – not a lot to live for.
”The Big 7-0” came to call recently. Okay, it wasn’t the first day of being “old.” but I’ll admit it hammered home the point.
So why write this now? I mean, I’ve been old for, what, 10 years? Obviously, turning 70 had a lot to do with it, but there’s more.
Noticing physical changes
Although I’m sure they’ve been in the works for a while, there came the day that I noticed physical changes – I wish I hadn’t.
Having already accepted a more meager gathering of gray hair upstairs and assorted aches and pains, what hit me on that memorable day was skin that didn’t have the elasticity it used to. Yikes.
Funny story – had an appointment with my primary care physician several months ago. After the examination, she asked if I had any questions. Pinching the inside of my arm, I inquired if it’s normal for my skin to be looser than it once was.
Cute, she gave me a choice “Duh!” look and asked me how old I was. Got it.
Up popped Gran Torino
Walt Kowalski
Sure, physical changes contributed to feeling old, but here’s what nailed it down – and inspired the article.
I enjoy watching music and movie reactions on YouTube. I was thumbing through a bunch on my phone a week or so ago and up popped the 2008 film Gran Torino .
I’d seen it before, but between Clint Eastwood and the voice inside telling me to do it, in I went.
Walt Kowalski
If you haven’t seen the film, in addition to producing and directing it, Eastwood played the part of Walt Kowalski, a retired auto worker and Korean War veteran.
The film opens with his wife’s funeral and scenes featuring his out of touch sons and spoiled grandchildren.
Walt, who often crudely and unkindly called it like he saw it, didn’t appear to have much in the way of inner peace. So it was easy to understand why a lot of folks avoided him.
In spite of that, Walt developed a deeply caring relationship with the Hmong teenage siblings living next door.
He tried to hide it, but his cough, blood spitting, and a doctor appointment scene left the impression that Walt was seriously ill.
Then came the phone call to one of his sons with a lab report in front of him. It became clear that Walt was terminally ill. I believe he knew it for some time.
Finally, at peace
Walt may have dodged unforeseen circumstances during the war and throughout his adult life, but not this time..
With his wife gone, alienated from his children and grandchildren. Walt didn’t have much meaning in his life – not a lot to live for.
However, unbeknown to him, meaning and purpose had been developing, and came to life in the form of love and care for, and from, his teenage neighbors.
As the movie draws to a close, Walt gave his life for them.
I connected with Walt
I connected with Walt Kowalski. So much so that, again, his story was the primary inspiration for writing this piece.
Perhaps taking a look at the two major points of connection will be meaningful to you.
As I mentioned earlier, though it wasn’t his intention, Walt found meaning in his life. That brings a whole lot of peace within. And what makes it extraordinary is he likely had both when his wife was living, lost them when she died, and found them again.
The other major point of connection is Walt’s acceptance of his terminal illness – his unforeseen circumstances. In doing so, he also accepted the inevitability of dying.- and made peace with it.
I learned a lot from Walt.
What’s the point?
Folks get wound up about all sorts of things preparing for and being old.
I understand that fear, finances, where to live, health, family, wills, etc. are important. But without peace within and meaning in one’s life, what’s the point?
Those Chipur info and inspiration articles: review all of the titles or by category below.
Gran Torino movie poster: Copyright 2008 by Warner Bros. Pictures. Qualifies as fair use under the copyright law of the United States.
After a decades-long battle with panic, generalized anxiety, fluctuating moods, and alcohol dependence; Bill finally found his life’s passion and work – lending a hand to those in the same boat. At age 49 he hit grad school and earned his counseling credentials. And he continues his service through Chipur and other projects.
