What is Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)?

An intimate partner relationship is when two individuals share an emotionally close and/or physical relationship, regardless of how long they have been together. Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) refers to a situation where one person uses power and control over another person in those relationships, which causes them harm.

The World Health Organization describes IPV as “any behaviour within an intimate relationship that causes physical, psychological, or sexual harm to those in the relationship” (World Report on Violence and Health, 2002). Other writers discuss IPV as any type of violence between existing and former legally married spouses, common-law partners, boyfriends and girlfriends, and other intimate partners.

Male Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence

Both men and women can experience Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) in romantic relationships. While women are generally more likely than men to experience physical IPV (and sexual assault, in particular), men also experience IPV in significant numbers, accounting for roughly 20% of cases reported to the Police in Canada and about 20% of IPV homicide victims.^[1] According to a 2016 report by Statistics Canada, 4% of men in Canada (418,000 men) reported experiencing IPV during the previous five years.^[2] Often, society has a hard time understanding that IPV can happen to men, too, which increases the survivor’s sense of being isolated and alone in their suffering.^[3]

Many men who have come forward to speak about their experiences have said they found it difficult to access help or navigate the legal system, and were often not believed or were treated suspiciously by others. Research has found that 64% of male survivors of IPV who called the Police for help reported being treated as the abuser.^[4] Similarly, another study of 258 men who had experienced IPV by a female partner found that police exhibited gender biases by accusing male victims of being the perpetrators of the violence and threatening them with arrest.^[5] However, male survivors of IPV also have legal rights to protection from harm and need practical and non-judgemental emotional support services they can rely on in times of distress.

Examples of Intimate Partner Violence

PHYSICAL VIOLENCE

Punching, hitting, kicking, choking, slapping, or using weapons or objects to hurt the other person.

SEXUAL VIOLENCE

Unwanted sexual touching and forcing the other person into sexual acts without their permission or consent.

STALKING

Monitoring, following, harassing, or threatening an individual, leaving them fearful for their safety and well-being. This includes online stalking and harassment.

PSYCHOLOGICAL OR EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Humiliating, demeaning, intimidating, ignoring, name-calling, or yelling to control a person or make them feel bad about themselves.

LEGAL ABUSE

Making false accusations to gain an advantage with the justice system and/or family court. Hindering agreed upon custody agreements and parenting time. Frequent calls to the Police and unwarranted use of “wellness checks” during parenting time.

COERCIVE CONTROL

Isolating an individual from family and friends, limiting access to money, reinforcing traditional gender roles, trying to turn a person’s children against them, taking away a person’s freedom, and making it hard to access services and resources that would help them.

Masculinity and Male Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence

Gender is essential to understanding the impact of IPV. Male survivors can be doubly impacted by the ongoing effects of stigma arising from the hard-to-change and near-impossible masculine standards society holds for them. For example, men often believe they should be strong, be protectors and providers, and possess superhuman qualities to brush off pain, suffering and hardship.

Consequently, men might believe IPV is a “woman’s issue” and downplay or minimize what’s happening to them. Many men do not reach out for help. Maintaining harmful storylines that blame men for their failings is called ‘victim blaming’ and is carefully avoided in women’s health promotions. Because stigma is so powerful, it decreases the chances that male survivors will speak about their partner’s violent behaviour, and the abuse can remain hidden for many years.

Many men may be unaware that IPV can be more than physical acts. For example, men often fail to recognize that non-physical behaviours, such as stalking or habitual yelling, are harmful, with the result being that many men often go unacknowledged as IPV victims.

IPV against men is often taken too lightly. Male survivors don’t often appear in public IPV campaigns, meaning community members are less likely to notice abuse involving male victims or to understand such abuse as an emergency requiring attention.

Health Impacts of Intimate Partner Violence

Men who are exposed to physical and psychological abuse often experience significant harm to their health and well-being. This can include ‘personal problems’ such as drinking too much alcohol or consuming risky amounts of recreational drugs, and also mental health and employment difficulties. The ongoing effects of abuse can lead to depression, stress, anxiety and the development of post-traumatic stress disorder.^[6] Abuse can also worsen existing health conditions like hypertension, diabetes, arthritis, and asthma.^[7]

Men experiencing abuse have also described fears that worsening abuse could result in injury to their children and said they felt helpless because of the fear of losing contact with their children.^[8] Exposure to abuse carries significant health risks for the child, too. For example, the impact of parental alienation on the child’s well-being can increase vulnerability to a variety of mental health conditions.^[9]

Finding help

As a man, you may find there is a serious shortage of resources to help you navigate your abuse situation safely. Often, friends, family, and even some professionals lack the understanding to help. Legal obstacles are common, especially if you are trying to gain custody of your children from an abusive spouse. However, help is available, and several organizations across Canada understand that IPV also happens to men. To help men navigate these challenges, the Nanaimo Men’s Resource Centre, for example, has created an accessible and downloadable resource guide containing advice about safety planning and a provincial/national resource section that connects individuals to counselling, legal, and other services that can help them.

To contact the Nanaimo Men’s Resource Centre directly, you can call 250-716-1551 or visit the website www.themenscentre.ca

Whatever your circumstances, these challenges can be overcome, and the abuse left behind.

Guest Author

Mark Busby, MSc. RPC, is an advocate for men’s mental health and a registered professional counsellor at the Nanaimo Men’s Centre on Vancouver Island, BC. He tailors his approach to support men facing the challenges that arise from complex trauma and intimate partner abuse. To connect with Mark, email him at [email protected].