Rap Poet “The Episode”: Overcoming Self-Doubt And Depression
About The Episode:
I’m a Rap Poet and my single “Are You Really Ok?” was released on October 18th. The track focuses on suicide prevention and mental health awareness, encouraging listeners to check in on loved ones.
Also if you go to – www.theepisodeofficial.com you can watch a 30-second clip of the accompanying video.
A brief backstory: Some years back the band that I was with was signed to EMI Records. We were being tipped for a no.5 UK pop chart entry. There had been an extensive marketing/publicity campaign. We were going up against the likes of Robbie Williams, The Fugees, etc. Our pictures and videos were showing in the UK, India, Asia, etc.
Suddenly we got a phone call from our manager to tell us that EMI had closed our label. Everything stopped, everyone on the label was dropped, effective immediately.
The feelings of depression kicked in because it felt as though a large part of the music industry (worldwide) knew who we were and now they knew that we had been dropped. What they didn’t know was that it wasn’t our fault. Suddenly it felt as though everyone was looking at me/us. Of course, they knew who I was, who we were. Our faces (videos) were showing worldwide.
It felt as though things were spiralling out of control emotionally. How do you explain this to people who were expecting you to be ‘the next big thing’?
WHAT WAS THE MAJOR TURNING POINT IN YOUR RECOVERY FROM DEPRESSION?
There were two turning points for me really:
- I seriously started to think that EVERYBODY knew and that they were all talking about our record deal ending and that people were now laughing at us, at me. A kind of paranoia began to set in. I realised that I was starting to avoid going to certain places e.g. where other musicians (that knew me) were.
- With the recent birth of my third son, I felt that I needed to take stock of where my head was. I was suddenly spending more time at home, so I needed to be present (mentally). It can change your perspective when you go from constantly touring and jumping around in front of thousands of people and having your ego stroked to suddenly not. His relying on me was a big reality kick/check.
These two points played significant roles in me recognising that I needed to focus on my mental health. Fortunately, I knew/had a few people around me who could relate to what I was going through.
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT REALLY HELPED?
- Speaking to friends (in the industry) who could relate to what was happening. It helped to understand how the industry worked and that it wasn’t ME/US personally that was the issue.
- Being reminded that I/we had been good enough to be signed in the first place. This was good because my/our talent stood for something.
- Admitting to myself that I was hurt and embarrassed. I had to accept the reality of my situation and accept that whilst this was out of my control, it wasn’t the end of me.
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO OTHER GUYS FIGHTING DEPRESSION?
Accept that speaking to someone is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Don’t get caught in the trap of “I’m helping my family by keeping it from them, they don’t need to be burdened”.
Let your loved ones help you, the way that you would want to help them.
If you would take a painkiller to ease physical pains, view talking to someone as potentially having the same effect.
– The Episode, UK
